ADHD Incognito
Not all ADHD is obvious
I have gotten through the majority of my life without anyone thinking I have ADHD. The first people to tell me I had ADHD were my students, a decade ago, at the school where I specialize in teaching those with learning differences like ADHD.
How could someone with ADHD not notice it in themself, especially a specialist? Well, it’s not as easy as you might think, particularly in mild cases.
Coping and Masking
Many people with mild ADHD have found effective-enough coping strategies to get around their pesky problems. These might include excessive alarms, gallons of caffeine, regular exercise and rigid adherence to routines like mealtimes and bedtimes. Some may self-medicate with weed or alcohol to help shut their brains off at the end of a stimulating day (or during).
For me, it has always been an overcomplicated half-paper half-digital calendar system, caffeine, strict bedtimes, rigid scheduling during the day, and pervasive anxiety that I’m forgetting something or I’m about to.
Using these strategies, many people with ADHD go through life undiagnosed. They mask their problem with others. In Driven to Distraction, Hallowell describes one patient who never realized he had ADHD until his 5-year-old was diagnosed.
I resonated deeply with Hallowell’s description of this patient, Bernie, and if you do too, you might be like me.
Bernie and I
Bernie struggled with three hallmarks of ADHD:
Distractibility
Impulsivity
Moodiness
When I was a child, I was easily frustrated. If I couldn’t do something right away, I quit it and never picked it up again. I can still be like that in some ways.
Bernie and I also dread meetings. For me, lately meetings have become so unbearable I’ve considering leaving my job; my main complaint to anyone who will listen is that I spend far too much time in meetings. Meetings are where ideas go to die. I just can’t bear them.
Lastly, this description of Bernie left me devastated. I’ve never had my problem put so simply. “He would frequently… tangle himself up with patterns of procrastination and overcommitment.”
I’ve never felt so able to see my ADHD. This is my life all the time. Can you relate?
Oof. That last one for me too. Another related phenomenon I just had language put to by an Instagram ad (of all things) was "revenge sleep procrastination" which was a huge thing for me that took a long time to fully realize.