Read the Room
Reading the Room
“Reading the room” is a person’s ability to determine when and where certain actions are appropriate, and when they are not.
It wouldn’t be appropriate for you to describe your last bowel movement to a theater full of people waiting for a movie to start. It might be appropriate to describe it to your doctor.
While reading the room is something many people—regardless of their neurodiversity—have trouble remembering to do, it is something that ADHDers forget at an above-average rate.1
Every second is a new second.
I liken it to “shifting gears.” If you go on a date after the doctor’s you need to know how expectations for the tone of your voice and the topics you can talk about have changed.
Example
I teach science. This week, we focused on volume as it pertains to chemistry. Yesterday, our warm up question was “Define Volume.” The correct answer is something like “the measure of how much space an object occupies.”
Today, on a quiz, I asked the same question. Despite answering it correctly yesterday, one student wrote “how loud or quiet my computer is, or how loud or quiet I talk.”
They did not “read the room.” They did not think: okay, I am in science class and this week we’ve been talking about volume in chemistry. Yesterday, this was a warm up question. I remember…
Other students were able to read the room and shift gears to think about chemistry, giving the correct answer. But maybe last night this student’s parent asked them to turn down the TV, or maybe they were just in music class; they were stuck still thinking of that other context where volume meant loudness.
Solution
Can you relate to my student? Try this:
When you enter a new setting think about:
the volume level of your voice
quiet in a theater
loud in a park
the emotions common to that setting
serious in temple
boisterous at a football game
Name these things out loud.
If someone you love sounds like my student, try priming them before you arrive. For example:
Julia is really upset about her dog running away last week. Let’s remember we’re here to be comforting to her.
I’m really excited for the game, but let’s make sure we don’t yell so much we upset those around us, okay?
Particularly if you’re working with a child, asking questions like “What does that look like?” and “What does that sound like?” go a long way.
How does being comforting to Julia sound?
low voice, talking less and listening more, not making jokes
How does cheering at the game look?
Yelling at exciting moments, staying seated unless others are standing, not taunting the other team’s fans
For more ideas, please check out, Everyday Speech “Reading the Room”
Dumas, M. C. (1998). THE RISK OF SOCIAL INTERACTION PROBLEMS AMONG ADOLESCENTS WITH ADHD. Education and Treatment of Children, 21(4), 447–460. http://www.jstor.org/stable/42899537